A Deimoan WolfeCry

The Police has found a body this morning. Victim; a 24 yr old lady brutally killed inside her own bathtub.

The scene was such a horror that everyone who saw the victim never returns back except for the brave officers who took the body.

The officers say that the crime scene was very excruciating and very painful to stay to.

The victim’s body was literally ripped halfway along. Blood is seen all over her house and the tub’s filled purely with the victim’s blood. 63 stab wounds of three different weapons were found on the victims body so are marks of strangulation around the victim’s neck. A few finger and toenails has been pulled off and her right eye burned out.

If you’ll look at the scene, the first thing that will come to your mind will be that only a devil could do such crime. But, the investigators are, up to this moment, in shock of a possibility of suicide. The doors, including gates were locked and no sign of forced entry. All evidences found on the scene were either owned, legally rented, or verbally borrowed by the victim. Fingerprints and hair strands found around the bathroom and the victim’s room were from the victim alone except for one from a plumber who visited her a week before. All possible suspects has alibis that will be verified by the investigators. There’s also a recorded conversation done by the victim the same hour the victim died retrieved from the victim’s laptop.

Who will cause such demise to a person known as a sweet and kind person? If this is just a random victim, who else can or will this evil kill? How possible is suicide be the cause of her death? And if this is suicide, what might have she thought to torture herself to death?

This is a test para malaman kung gaano mo kakilala ang sarili mo. Sige, silipin nio ang mga sagot ko, pero walang kopyahan ha!!! It helped me out kung gaano ko kakilala ang sarili ko, sana kayo din!!

What is your name?

That’s a good question, all my life i have never figured out i would answer such a question. There are certain names i can come up with, Man of few words, Batang Isip kahit walang Isip, Attention-lover, actually, i made sense of my name and made up the following:
Immanuel (name origin)- God is with us
A man who knew well (sounds like)- matalino, pero noon yon (note, knew, Em ma nu el)
Maingay (sounds like ng Midname ) - uhmmm.. noisy but it is somewhat hidden as a middle name.
Ehmm (Sounds like ng Mid initial) - o ha, meron din, Ehmm… laging may plema sa baga. Throat clearing, a sign of wanting to say something but does not have the courage to speak.
Seer uhh (sounds like ng apelyido) - can see things more than anyone especially kapag may narinig na uhh
Mean Cream Mule (Annagram, Emmanuel m cera) - Matipuno / kabaligtaran, cream in color / ok. depende kungpano mo titignan, sa lilim o sa arawan, Mule / a breed of horse, used for errands, smaller version, yet bred for function, in short nabuhay for a purpose despite the existence of a better creature

How old are you?

Ohh Ehmm Geee… So Nasal Hemorrhagic the asking of those. Must i speak of the times i wasnt of old, or shall i seek safety for my youngness?

Shall i tell when i have figured out i am olding age? Or should i speak of the time im running our of time? I actually am looking forward to have a 30 more years to live, but i guess i have lived already enough, so 21 years more is not bad to me. A good life for my family, all of my siblings already have a job or at least graduated before i die. Maybe that’s how old i will be.

Where do you live?

Hmmm.. I came from a very far away place. A palace i must say, why? cause we all live together but we are thrones apart, we were happy, we hold feasts, and whenever there is a funeral, we always give them a mass. but that was before, We moved to a bungalow to experience a life worth living for, a salt for lunch and a single sip to quench thirsts. Our family used to be a big one, but after my mom gave birth to three more, it became a smaller family.

What wild animal would you want for a pet?

Hmmm… Yeah. A pet. I always liked a pet. I want someone who has 7 siblings, whose father never got fired of his job. Someone who at least finished culinary course or at least HRM. Someone who will become a chef not because he needs to feed his family but because he wishes to feed sweets to his self. Well, I would also want to pet someone who is a celebrity. A singer or a dancer maybe.

What is your favorite color?

It’s really hard to pick out from a rainbow, but grieve is my fave color. Why? well, certainly because this is the color of self reliance, color of release of emotions, color of not caring who’s there or not, as long as they all came for grief. Death is always the beginning of those the dead person has left behind.

What is your favorite food?

Well, if you’ll see me personally, you would say that i dont even know how to spell food, but my favorite food is a Filipino Cuisine, A Gig place. Yeah, its actually a building. more like an amusement place. A place where you can eat, surf the web, play arcade games, billiards, listen to music, and even have your own dvd marathon. Whenever they serve me this delicacy, I go nuts and would definitely eat up everything, never caring how it was prepared or who prepared it.

What is your favorite espression?

Fave expression? Well, im not really an expressive person, but my fave expression is a quiet talk with a friend, yeah, about things that you never thought happened in your life. about how bad things turn to good, and laught out onj bad to worst scenarioes.

What is your favorite song?

Well, my favorite song will be " Ma, Pa, Pasensya na, sinisi ko kayo, pero wag kayong mag alala, babawi ako". That’s a good song actually.

What is your genre?

Lots of genres i can actually choose from, but my main genre would be, that life is a continuous habit of breathing, everything except that is the mere urge of human to survive. yeah because i think music is boring yet it is worth fighting for.

Who is your favourite artist?

Hmm.. well, based on the genre i just said, my parents would be my fave artist. yeah, because despite their songs are boring, they still know how to sing survival that can uplift the spirits of their fans.

Last question:

What is your fashion statement?

No. Well, I am fine with what i have in my body. Im not too ugly, not even good looking. That way I can be the random guy who blends well on the streets.

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Nung una kong sinagot yung questions, akala ko tama yung mga sagot ko, na first set lang sya ng test, slum book ba, pero napansin ko, ang daming spaces para sa sagot. Kaya iniba ko. Siguro nga hindi ko pa ganun kakilala yung sarili ko, pero kung paano kong naintindihan yung mga tanong, at least nalaman ko, matalino pala ako, mukha lang tanga.

Nalaman ko na yung test pala ay para kung malaman mo kung gaano mo maiintindihan ang mga pang araw araw na tanong at sasagutin mo sila sa paraang hindi mo na ulit isasagot.

Bakit? Dahil, kahit hindi ka sigurado sa tanong, sigurado ka naman sa sagot. Hehehehe.

Religion

What is my religion anyways?

Hay nako. I am a christian.

Yeah. And i can always tell you, I believe in God.

Except that you can’t expect me to to rely to Him. You know, we live in the same village, but will never in the same house.

Atheist? Nope, I dont think so. I know things about the bible, what it says, and what it SAYS. I actually talk to God. as if we’re friends or sumthing. I even pray to Him and tell him, okay, ill be doing this stuff, and when i do it, i want you to help me, will you? Please?

The irony in this is, when i tell Him that if He let me have this, Ill serve you, speak of your name, etc, etc, and then end up telling myself, are you sure about this deal?

Of course, a big Hell Nah!! would blast out of my mind, and joke around God saying, you know im lying right? aNd that i can’t do that. You know that there are some promises that i am good at keeping except that.

I even blame Him on things that happened in my life. Once, when i lost money for my fare back home, I even cried out while walking back home. Telling Him, what did i do to deserve such treatment? (exact words, yeah). And then self pity, hope i would die. Then I would smile. Telling myself, why do I ask God such? I didnt even let him come into my life. Then i would tell God, can you help me out?, and the cycle goes.

I know God can help me.

That he is the answer to the quote "Nobody gets out of life alive anyway".

That he will provide anything, even everything. Happiness. Contentment. Honor. Wealth. Health.

I might be egoistic whatsoever.

Of course, I want to work things out by myself. ‘ol bah mahself. But there are times that i envy people who have a good happy life with him.

You know what keeps me from letting God walk into my heart?

simple.

I dont have a life to let him rule to. I feel like i dont deserve Him. That God’s power is more important to those who is dying every 10 minutes.

Ooops. Half true. But i just cant admit that to myself.

The real reason is that,

… I

… can’t

… leave

… my

…sins

behind.

Right. I cant leave my sins behind. I already mentioned, i dont have a life. My sins are my life. Its the only thing and reason why up to this time, im sane. why I laugh. why i wake up the next morning. the hope that i will meet someone today who can share with my sins and have a happy ending. yeah. ending.

die meeting someone that my sins are his sins too.

die meeting someone telling me that dont worry, you have sinned but at least you made it look as if you dont even know how to find the word in the dictio.

die telling me that, you have sinned, let’s go sin together. you dont need a prayer rally. you need a party behind the bushes with greed, lust, pride, gluttony, and all things good life has to offer.

I dont need a God to help me out in this life. I need a God to at least hold on to my morality and still enjoy the fruit of knowledge wanted to offer. I need a God for a friend. Not a saviour. not my provider. I need a God who will hold my hand with a knife in his hand and tell me, okay, i dont care if your a sinner i care if you’re happy and still has morale.

Of course that’s not Satan!

He doesnt have a Morale remember?

Im not a satanist.

Im a christian who holds grudge to God because he had to save each and every human on earth so that human will have the responsibility to pay for that courage kind of act YET still talks to him, because I want him to someday accept people like me. I am a christian. Not a catholic. not a protestant. maybe i can call myself a "God-please-befriend-us-who-cant-lose-grip-from-their-sins-believer" More like a complicated christian. a Miserable christian. Hmm… I like it.

I am a Miserable Christian.

I am Christian because of misery, and i am miserable because of Christianity.

God! I love wordplay!!!

So what do i believe in?

The Bible. The Rapture. The heaven and hell. The beginning. Adam and Eve. and most especially, the one i am more thankful of, God’s unknown reason for letting a tree of knowledge grow in the middle of Eden.

I befriend God. Even if He doesnt to me. Because, I, who have sinned, yet still humane deserve’s to be called at least God’s step-son.

Grrr… I feel like the new age satanist. Not to mention my name is Emmanuel. From the word IMMANUEL (God is with us).

No. I dont want anyone to believe that there is such a thing. I dont want people end up being a Miserable Christian. Does good things , befriends God, and stays in touch with their sins. Stay who you are. I am a person who is expressing his faith.

This is made especially to those who come to me and tell me of how their life has become when they became God’s son. I was a God’s son. around 8 years old, i was.

I made a pact. That the only time that i will be a God’s Son is when I can let go of my sins. I hate going to churches as a responsibility. or as a fashion statement. a social invitation. a promise. I’ll go to church one day, while walking down the road. An impulse decision.

You can let go of your sins. You have a life. I dont. Im a walking trashcan. without the stink huh!

I remember one of my post here,

I cant really recall that one, but I think i told myself, I dont need immediate aid, Im not gasping for air. I need help. I dont need anyone coming to me, raising his right hand yelling in the name of the lord you are now sinless and sinproof.

I need someone telling me what are my mistakes and how i can slowly forget them. I need someone to hold my hand and tell me, let’s go do some sins so i can take you home with me and have our own sinless life.

Ang drama.

I maybe just need a God friend. and a human friend.

maybe a robot friend will do too. hehe.

——————————————————————–

Certain things happen in life.
Mostly are those you never planned having.
Some those you least expect.
Some, too, are things you never imagined experiencing.

And when these things happen, you can never get a hold of these things.
All you can do is live it and wish it will just end.

You always have a choice of getting out of it,
But sometimes, you just can’t.
There are still some facts that will make you have the life that you have.

Like the fact that your mom, once in your life, decided to not care about you or think about your future and just try mending your other sibling’s life.
Or the fact that your dad expected too much of you that he gave you a task so demanding you never even had the chance to think about the task itself but the demand or the reason why he asked you to do it.
Or the fact that once in your life, you were given a chance to outshine those little people around you, but, for just some reason, you had let it go.

It’s just that you are trapped on a web that was sown by some evil spider because it wants to poison, digest the internal organs, sip dry, and leave some insect.

Sometimes you are left at the corner of your room yelling, "I so do not deserve this life". Though someone somewhere hears you, they just can’t help you with that. Of course, only you can help yourself. So you wake up on the next day with guts in your chest, and conviction in your head that from that day forward you will change your life. So you do things, you plan, you set goals, etc, etc.

But.

Just but.

The painful facts will haunt you. haunt you so bad that even if you know and you feel that you are ready for what life’s challenge might be, you still get disappointed, regretted, left, laughed and all sorts of painful ‘life-things’.

After that, you ask God ‘What have i done to deserve such a life?’ You pity yourself. You blame God. But something in the logical part of your brain will tell you that God is not to blame. Cause everything that happened to you is not His fault. Why? Because he’s the "GOODEST" person of all. He’s a God.

Then you end up blaming yourself.

But the truth is,

You, may be to blame,

Yet, It is not all your fault.

Why?

Because our life is shaped not just by our actions but the intertwining actions of you, your family, your friends, your neighbors, your classmates, your co-workers, and everyone else in the world.

We all live in the same world that even the carbon dioxide he breathed out is somehow connected to the oxygen you just breathed in.

We buy the brand we least want in a grocery not because God planned to but because some random guy decided to buy the last 15 of them.

You were not hired by the last company you just applied in because another applicant spoiled the good mood of your interviewer that even a simple ’s-word’ sounds like ’shit’ to him.

You had asthma because your neighbor, the one living just next door, smoked profusely that ‘5 packs of cigarette’ is not a phrase to him but a habit.

You won 20 grands from the raffle because some computer nerd programs the computer in a way that the first 6 random numbers it will give on the day of the raffle is the same as your birth date.

No man really is an island.

Not just because someday someway he will need them but because he will affect and be affected by them.

That’s the worst fact in life i just learned.

We are not who we think we are.

But

We are who we (you, me, and everyone else) DID we are.

—————————————————

If there is any super power i can ever have, i would love to have molecular manipulation.

And what is molecular manipulation anyways?

well,

to me, molecular manipulation is the ability to manipulate the molecular structure of any matter. The ability to suppress, excite, attract or repel the molecules of a matter. Like telekinesis, only in smaller things but in large doses. More like alchemy.

Why?

Well, because with it, i can do almost anything.

I can fly by simply manipulating helium molecules and put them around my body. I can kill someone by separating the red blood cells and their plasma. I can induce heart attack or stroke by concentrating cholesterol to their hearts or brain. I can make bombs by pressurizing the hydrogen molecules on the air. I can separate golds, silvers, and all sorts of precious stones. I can make a concrete wall dissolve or turn them into sand. I can make explosives, fire, ice, or even create diamonds.

All of these without even being caught moving my hands.

If it’s telekinesis then I have to waive my hands and stuff?

No. It’s MOLECULAR manipulation. Small movements does not require large force. Just good mental strength. And if you’ll move your hands, then you can’t separate an oxygen molecule from a carbon. You’ll drag the whole carbon dioxide.

And, that means I just need to study physics, chemistry and anatomy(Just need, what a simple task). That means i can be cool and smart at the same time.

That’s what i think is a kick ass super power!!! besides, with that, I can even manipulate the cells of my body so that they will grow in a way that i want to. More like a plastic surgery,  except that the surgery goes as you grow.